Why Do Men Love Femdoms? An Exploration of Attraction to Female Dominance
There is an undeniable portion of men who are attracted to dominant women - colloquially known as 'femdoms.' Considering society's usual emphasis on men being dominant and women being submissive, this can look very unusual from an outside perspective. But it shouldn't.
Men are drawn to femdoms for all sorts of reasons. These include simply liking assertive women or enjoying taking on the passive role. No one knows for sure where different preferences come from, but it's likely a cocktail of personality traits, psychological pleasures from BDSM practices, cultural narratives, and relationship dynamics. We'll be going over a few of these to catch a glimpse of the full explanation.
Personality Traits
Certain personality traits are recognized as more prominent in those desiring to be subs. People categorized as 'sensation-seekers' - characterized by a desire for novel experiences - often find themselves more attracted to dominants than other individuals. Dominants offer a sense of exhilaration, daring, and unpredictability that these sensation-seekers love.
Studies have shown that both men and women who are easily bored and have high disinhibition tend to prefer dominant partners. Thrill-seeking alone doesn't seem to be the cause, but rather a specific mixture of boredom and disinhibition finds being dominated irresistible.
Sexual Fantasies
Another perspective on femdoms comes from sexual fantasy research. A recent study has revealed that a significant portion of both men and women have regular fantasies about BDSM activities. These can involve a broad spectrum of dom and sub behaviors, with 53.3% of men reporting a sexual fantasy of being dominated. While not the highest number on the chart, it's a pretty large stat for something society thinks is unusual.
At the very least, this data shows that an attraction to being sexually dominated is not as rare as some may think it is. It may even be a prominent feature in the average man's life.
Psychological Gratification
Research into the psychological pleasure from BDSM is still in its early stages but is showing promise.
For those who enjoy submissive acts, BDSM can induce an altered state of consciousness known as "transient hypofrontality." When in this state, a person feels less pain and has a sensation like they are floating, with a heightened sense of being 'present.'
Conversely, dominants often experience a state called "flow," characterized by hyperfocus and a loss of self-consciousness. Whenever an expert at something performs their specialty well, they can get into a similar flow state. After achieving flow, individuals reported feeling they performed better at the task and achieved a state of subtle euphoria.
Thus, both states can be very fulfilling. These heightened states of consciousness likely are one of the great draws to BDSM once someone is initiated into the practice.
Shifting Cultural Narratives
Contrary to the typical narrative that says men prefer submissive women, contemporary porn trends show otherwise. For instance, the popularity of 'femdom porn' in online searches has been increasing, revealing it's a big trend that is here to stay. The shift is recent, too, with as much as a 28% uptick in searches for femdom and female domination in 2022. This also seems to reflect a societal change in being more open to BDSM exploration, with more and more people excited to explore their fantasies.
Relationship Dynamics
There is a strong allure to powerful, assertive women, particularly among young men. These men seek relationships with older, independent women with a particular attraction to personality traits associated with dominance.
Furthermore, many men appreciate partners who confidently assume leadership roles in daily life and in the bedroom. This preference reveals another layer of admiration for powerful women. We can speculate about why this might be, but jumping to conclusions like it being 'mommy issues' is shallow and degrading. Solid research into the subject has only recently been taking hold, and there's still much more to learn.
As we've seen, femdoms are not a one-dimensional phenomenon. Both the desire to be a femdom and the attraction to them is multi-faceted, involving psychological, cultural, and relational factors.
There's the thrill of power dynamics themselves, the psychological rewards of BDSM sessions, changing gender roles in society, and the desire for a kind of mentorship that some young men have.
As society changes, so do preferences and sexual exploration. Who knows what the next generation will bring?