Feminism and Femdom - Things You Should Know

Essentially, this article is about the misconception that because Femdoms dominate men in the bedroom or even as a lifestyle, there must be a link between it and a kind of overzealous feminism, looking to crush men into the ground. But this confuses the fantasy for the end goal.

We'll see that in reality, Femdoms and the subs who like them have very little correlation with anything to do with the political movement of feminism, running the gambit from some being militant feminists all the way to not caring about the movement at all, or even being actively anti-feminist.

What is Feminism, really?

Feminism is a political, cultural, and socio-economic movement that advocates for women's equality with men. Even this broad definition is contentious but should do for our purposes – and notice it doesn't say that women should overpower or 'dominate' men.

The reason Feminism arose as a political movement is relatively simple. Historically, women have had fewer rights and freedoms than men, and first-wave feminists wanted women to become equal under the law. Then, second-wave and third-wave feminism contends that even with the laws changed, there are still many cultural and socio-economic issues for women that continue to oppress them when compared with men. Their goal continues beyond equality under the law to status and socio-economic position equality.

Femdoms and Feminism

So, with our definitions out of the way, what is the relationship between Femdoms and feminism?

On the surface, it is apparent that being a dominant woman is a reversal of the traditional gender roles. In this sense, the sexual or lifestyle act of playing out Domme and Sub relations may stir up questions and feelings about the political position of women in society. But that's about where the connection ends.

Many in the community say that the Femdoms and their clients run the whole gambit of political positions, and there's no strong correlation between being more feminist.

But beyond the mere survey of opinions, why might the kink for liking Femdoms or wanting to dominate men not lead directly to a feminist viewpoint?

Well, for one thing, feminists do not even want to 'flip the script' on gender and have women dominating men. They are striving for equality. This means that the fantasy of women dominating men, when taken to the political sphere, is more extreme than what feminists want. For that reason, many Femdoms and male subs probably see it as just a fantasy and not something they think would be suitable for society, as it may be too extreme. For a more extreme example, presumably, most BDSM enthusiasts who engage in master/slave dynamics don't think that should be extended into society at large, at least not in a coercive way.

The Male Gaze of Female Domination

Going deeper into female domination as it is actually practiced, it is clear that it is mainly a commercial phenomenon focused on pleasing men who are into being dominated by women. This is most easily seen by examining who pays for the service - the men - with the Femdoms ready to cater to their needs. It also seems strange that so many men would pay for Femdoms if it were linked to a political desire to have men be dominated across society.

This point has been made by many in the community: "I think that stereotypical femdom porn and the way that female domination is portrayed in the media is generally NOT feminist because it caters to the male gaze." - [https://thegentledomme.com/2021/09/27/is-femdom-feminist/]

Now, there are some services like being a yoga teacher or personal trainer where the provider can enjoy what they do and treat it as a lifestyle while getting paid for it. No doubt, I'm sure there are Femdoms who hold this position and love what they do. However, that doesn't negate the financial power relation at the heart of the practice. In the end, almost all Femdoms have to cater to what their clients want.

To get a better idea about this, you can look at some of the most popular Femdom sites today. All this isn't to say its a bad thing, but rather just that it's unlikely it has to do with some kind of overly strong feminist message. Probably, Femdoms and their clients are just as diverse as everyone else when it comes to feminist thoughts and ideas.

For these reasons, the idea that Femdoms inherently have a desire on the part of women to dominate society and flip gender relations on their head just doesn't seem to hold water. That's not to say there aren't at least some Femdoms for whom this is the goal. It absolutely can be, but when we're looking at the practice as a whole, it is clear that the way it is practiced today leans toward it being mostly a kink that focuses on the bedroom and only occasionally goes beyond it.

Looking Ahead

Finally, let's talk about the heart of the confusion, the idea that being a femdom means wanting to dominate men in everyday life, the same way that men dominated women throughout history.

Some Femdoms do act dominant over their partner as a complete lifestyle choice. But we have to remember that even this is just a fantasy - the man typically pays for this experience and so holds onto a certain type of control beneath the surface. If he'd like to stop at any time, he can. Compare this to history, where women were not just expected to be submissive but actively had fewer rights, were less listened to, and had many cultural prejudices against them. As much as Femdoms might express certain reversals of this in the heat of the moment, saying things like 'men are pigs' or 'men are scum,' this is all part of a fantasy.

For feminists, these ideas can potentially cause outside observers to confuse their goals, as they've never wanted female domination of society in the first place. There are many types of feminism, but at its heart, it is not about establishing a matriarchy. That would simply be to flip how things were under patriarchy on its head. It is about equal rights and treatment, even if there are differences between the genders to acknowledge.